I Don’t Know How to Touch Myself: A Guide to Exploring Your Vulva & Vagina
The idea of developing a self pleasure practice is foreign to many, and people with vulvas and vaginas typically face a difficult terrain when it comes to self exploration, not just because of all of the moving parts down there, but also because of the shame that exists around touching one’s vulva or vagina. Most people with vulvas and vaginas were not taught how to explore them in full, or were taught to only touch them if it was necessary; putting in a tampon, or to feel if something was “wrong”. These teachings are completely devoid of one of the main reasons to explore this area: pleasure.
If you find yourself going out of your way to avoid the “icky” texture, or are continuously trying to mask your odor with floral scents, and fruity douches, then this post is worth a read. The path to unlearning disgust around your own pussy, and being open to exploring is one of that will require commitment and forgiveness. Let’s dive into the 5 steps to begin loving your pussy.
Let’s dive into the 5 steps to begin getting to know your pussy.
Step 1: Start by Looking- EVERY self-pleasure course and s€x book will tell you that this is the first place to start when it comes to getting to know your vulva. If you’re rolling your eyes while reading this, or experience resistance around it, then you need it the most. First, Pull up a diagram of a vulva, then get comfortable in front of a mirror and start identifying some of the parts of your own vulva. Make connections using the diagram, and even try saying out loud “this is my urethra”, “this is my labia majora”.
Step 2: Familiarize Yourself with Texture and Odor- Mainstream culture likes to compare the odor of a vagina to a “fishy smell”, and in some cases, this can be true. But the natural smell of a vagina is not disgusting and is not meant to be masked. For the sake of your pussy’s happiness throw away the douches and the books that say it’s your partner will like it better if it smells like roses. It actually has the opposite effect of arousing a mate or enticing a partner. The more familiar and comfortable you get with your partner, the more those feelings of acceptance will rub off on your partner.
Step 3: Explore… Slowly: This can be the trickiest part to get past for some folks because getting used to the texture and crevices of your vulva and vagina can be an adjustment period. It is normal to experience feelings of disgust, or distaste for your own body at first. (Learn more about how disgust is a learned reaction by reading this post). If the inside of your vaginal canal is new to you, begin with one finger, and only the very tip of it. Swirl your finger around to feel the entire circumference of the vaginal wall to begin getting comfortable with it. That’s it. That is all you have to do for now.
Step 4: Do NOT Aim for Orgasm: You are not trying to cum, you are trying to explore your body and learn about it. When you try the food for the first time, you might not put the entire thing in your mouth right away; you might read the description on the menu to see if it has things you like. You might smell it or look at it, and intake some of the flavors, smells, and textures before diving in. Putting on a blindfold and just sticking fork fulls of food in your mouth is probably not something you will be doing next time you go to a restaurant (unless that’s your kink, then good for you). Don’t go shoving fork fulls of food into your vagina. Feel it, smell it, learn the texture, and get used to it before you decide to taste it, or put your whole finger inside of it. Get what I mean? Don’t even worry about orgasm during this exploration process.
Why would I do any of this?
Because of pleasure. That is why. By exploring new sensations and areas of your body that have undiscovered potential to experience pleasure, you yourself are increasing your pleasure threshold, and how much pleasure you are able to feel, and essentially learning MOREEE ways to experience a pleasure. Tell me why you would shy away from that?
If any of this is sounding scary or brings on feelings of anxiety, you are not alone. It can be scary to move through these experiences alone sometimes. Fill out a coaching form to get started.
